*** The Humanoid Screenplay*** Transcription by The Gonz Opening credits crawl over space background.. Metropolis, known ages ago as Planet Earth, now faces its gravest hour. Lord Graal has just escaped from the prison satellite where his brother, ruler of the peaceful Galactic Democracy, had exiled him. Malevolent and power-hungry, Graal has plans of vengeance that might forever alter the destiny of mankind.. Metropolis star patrol flies into view, manned by a crew of two Lord Graal's command ship flies overhead (note. this is NOT a star wars star destroyer.. ) Metro starpilot: Thats one of those ships that guard the prison satellite, whats it doing in our area? Co-Pilot: Lets try to find out. Metropolis security orders you into free-float, and to stand by for boarding. with a single bolt of energy from Graal's cruiser, the Metro-fighter is destroyed... Interior@ Graal's ship Lord Graal: Those pilots were sheep, not soldiers..my brother has made his army bloated with peace Nurek soldier: Astro-fighter ready for launching, Sire Graal: How far are we from Metropolis? Nurek soldier: We are approaching gravity. 36 second vector Graal: Dont disappoint me, Craven Craven: I'll see to it all, Sire Graal: And make sure there are no survivors..especially that Barbara Gibson Craven: Understood, Your Lordship Nurek astro-fighter launches, sinister black-clad strike team commanded by Craven on-board. The ship descends towards Metropolis Metropolis...The Groven Institute Barbara Gibson ( our heroine..hubba hubba ! ) to technician: Check the readings. Institute Vid-cam: Barbara Gibson..a telecom for you Tom-Tom appears on screen...a young but wise-beyond-his-years boy of oriental origin. He is in Barbara's care, one of her most gifted pupils Barbara: Hey Tom Tom, is anything wrong? Tom-Tom: Come home Barbara, now...you must leave the institute at once Barbara: But why...whats the matter? Tom-Tom speaks Tibetan, rather mysteriously Barbara rises, as if in a trance. To female technician: Please take over for me Technician: Sure She leaves the Groven Institute Building Exterior: Security command post, manned by two metro-city guards Guard: One more hour of this and then we're off, thank God Barbara passes in land-speeder Guard: Got a hot date, Barbara? No reply...Barbara is distant, still trancelike Guard: Looks like shes been hitting the alpha-wave pills Barbara: TBA3421 requesting authorisation to exit Guard: Go ahead Miss Gibson Speeder moves on cut to Nurek soldiers. laser fire. the two guards are killed soldiers advance, blast another guard, then steal his security clearance Security interior Groven Guard: Strange..one of the outer guards is coming up Second Guard:He should still be on duty, whats going on? Third Guard: Nothing ever happens here..hes just bored Nurek soldiers enter and kill all three guards. they attempt to access the main door, unsuccessfully Nurek: Damn it, its jammed Two soldiers laser-blast the door open Nurek: Get in , quickly! You take that room The Nurek laser onslaught mercilessly kills all the innocent Groven employees, they scream as they are mowed down in a hail of ray gun fire. The Nurek's enter the Institute vaults Craven: Graal says it might be marked with a K ..K for Kappatron Second soldier: I dont see it ...none of them are marked. what else did he say? Craven: He talked about an odd shaped one..octagonal !! thats it !! Get it, and lets get out. handle it gently...God knows what Kraspin wants it for.. They take the Kappatron and leave Craven (checking corpses): You two go ahead.. I ve gotta check something.. I gotta make sure we really did kill that girl...Damn it, its not her!!! He'll dock me for this..if Im lucky... The astro-fighter returns to Graal's ship and docks. Craven: We've got the Kappatron, ˙our Lordship Graal: And my special request? Craven: It all went very smoothly Sire..we killed everyone at the laboratory..but unfortunately, the girl you wanted just wasn't there... Graal: So you did manage to disappoint me after all Craven...you are stripped of your privilidges for one hundred days.. Craven: Yes, Your Lordship... Graal: Head for Noxon...we got the Kappatron, thats really what I came for.. The Nurek ship departs, star engines roaring... Metropolis City. civillians come and go Metro-City tannoy (subliminally) : A promise is sacred...a man's word should be his bond..the rendering of a useful service should be the common duty.. Nick (Intrepid princely hero) enters Metro command. The Council of Elders await him Great-Brother: Is it as bad as I fear, Nick? Nick: All of the guards were killed...as well as the two men lost in space Great-Brother: Not one person survived.... Nick: Yes, Great-Brother..There was a lone survivor..from the staff. Her name is Barbara Gibson. She was not at the institute at the time of the attack. Council Elder: Was the nuclear stockpile touched? Nick: No, Sir Great-Brother: This is a blatant act of war Council Elder: We must retaliate Great-Brother: Then so be it..in the name of justice , I decree that the security forces may, if necessary, inflict death on our attackers. I want our forces brought to full alert ! Cut to Barbara Gibsons home. She and Tom-Tom are sat playing a very advanced recreational game on some highly developed computer system Barbara: Come on Tom-Tom, its your turn...stop reading that strange book of yours, if you want to win you must learn to concentrate... Tom-Tom makes a few moves, looking smug (in a not-irritating-honest kinda way) Barbara (struggling ): May I use the computer? Tom-Tom: Of course..have I ever said no ? Barbara ( consulting her puter ): There....in six moves you're going to lose your planet ! They play on. lights flash Tom-Tom (not smugly, honest.. ) Im sorry ...you've lost, Barbara Barbara: Incredible..this has to be some sort of magic. I cant even beat you with a computer, that can solve 18 unknowns to the fourth power. where in Hellios did you learn to play so well ?? Tom-Tom: In a place many eons from here Barbara: Well..wherever it was, you've amazing skill. everything about you is a puzzle. you're a mystery to me, Tom-Tom Tom-Tom (innocently): Why?? Barbara: Well..you're one of the strangest pupils I've ever been sent. I dont know anything about you Even your name is mysterious, Logandharma ( or something... ) Tom-Tom: lochandeewhandharma ( or something.....sue me, I dont speak Tibetan! ) Barbara: You see? what a name..I cant even pronounce it. Tom-Tom: Oh...it means "ocean of wisdom", but I like Tom-Tom too.. Barbara: You still havent told me why you made me leave the lab. Cut to interior, Metro-City Command Great-Brother (to female technician): Leave us for a moment please Technician: Yes, Great-Brother Great-Brother: It's a good thing you didn't mention the disappearance of the Kappatron from Groven. if word gets out to the five provinces, there'll be general panic. Nick: Sir..even I have been told about Kappatron..is it really so dangerous? Great-Brother: Yes..unfortunately. It was the discovery of the most ingenious scientist that Metropolis has had in this century...Doctor Kraspin. It has the power to modify a man's cell structure, and transmute him into some sort of monstrosity, with super-human powers. Nick: And the Groven Institute funded this kind of research? Great-Brother: He could do virtually what he wanted..until Barbara Gibson happened to stumble upon the horrendous results of this new radiation, and promptly notified me. Kraspin was apprehended, his research stopped, and the Kappatron confiscated. He was put away in the Mental Control Satellite but two years ago he was recued. Nick...we must find out where Kraspins being kept. I suggest you contact Miss Gibson immediately... Nick (departing ): Allright Sir.. Cut to deep-space. A very sophisticated inter-stellar cruiserYhat does NOT look like a cheap model made out of washing-up liquid bottles and glue) flies into view. Interior of starship. Kip the Robodog ( NOT irritating, and NOTHING like R2D2, honest .. ) is happily playing and electro-barking. At the controls of the ship is GOLOB. Tall, beardy, and obviously the coolest cookie in the cosmos. Golob: Metropolis Security, acknowledge...Delta 240 request acknowledgement...it looks pretty bad doesnt it Kip? we're off course and our auto-naviagation computer systems are out..and they cant hear a word I'm saying.. Voice over comlink: red alert, red alert..(background chatter) Golob: I wonder what in the Saturnations going on in Metropolis. Metropolis Security, acknowledge..metro can you hear me? Metropolis securtiy acknowledge...METRO !! Radio breaks down Golob: They've got their problems...but I've got mine. I've asked them three times to replace that thing! Kip attempts to coax his master to play Robodog games...nothing more therapeutic when adrift in deep-space.. Golob: Are your circuits clogged or something? This is no time for games...who programmed you anyway?? if you wanna play games, go outside and play...oh its allright kip..dont worry boy..we'll get out of this somehow. You know, the worst thing that could happen to us is we'll spend 2000 years in suspended animation. well....still beats a desk job ! Nurek Star-cruiser hovers into view Golob ( curious ) : Why...that looks like one of our old command ships, Kip..I think I'll follow it Interior, Nurek Star-cruiser Pilot: Sire...that old X37 is sending a distress signal Graal ( ruthlessly ): Ignore it Nurek ships departs Interior Golobs ship Golob: Hes not answering us..where in the cosmos did that space jockey get his license? Cut to Metropolis..interior, Barbara Gibsons home. Our heroine is conferring with Nick. Nick is doing his best not to come on to her and call her one hot foxxy sci-fi booty momma. Nick: Which is why everything would seem to point to Dr Kraspin ...dont you agree? Barbara ( downcast ) : I cant believe it...all my friends at the Groven Institute Nick: You can thank your lucky stars you left the institute when you did. Did anyone warn you? Barbara: Tom-Tom Tom-Tom is outside, speakin un-translatable (unless you speekee da lingo ) Tibetan to two mega-cool lookin exotic sci-fi types Nick: Is that Tom-Tom? Barbara: Yes , he's my pupil Nick: Who is he, anyway...and who are they? Barbara: I don't know...what strange garments they are wearing..I really have no idea why they are Nick ( as Tom-Tom enters the room ): Lets ask him..who were those two kid? Tom-Tom: Foreigners. Nick ( smiling ): That much I can see...what did they want? Tom-Tom: Nothing Barbara: They were talking to you, Tom-Tom. Tom-Tom: Yes they were..but they didn't want anything. Barbara: Tom-Tom...what made me leave the institute today? Tom-Tom: A premonition Barbara..some people might call it a hunch. Nick: Maybe so kid...but I'd say she was damned lucky. In any case, we'd better get down to business..now I want you to tell me everything about the Kappatron and Dr Kraspin... ( Nick leads off foxxy-lookin but daftly-named space momma Barbara by the arm...Tom-Tom looks on knowingly ) Cut to deep space...Nurek star cruiser zooms by Interior of starcruiser Nurek pilot: We have a 19 second vector, Sire Graal (without humour): Activate the retro-rockets Cut to Noxon..scarey bad-guy type space planet...think military state, ruthless empiric overlords, slavery, death destruction doom and gloom...kinda like Pittsburgh... Lady Agatha (hubba hubba foxxy-lookin Beatle marrying space momma, whos cleavage is the best thing in this movie...clearly half the films special effects budget was spent on that dress ) is watching intently on a video-screen.. a hapless innocent and rather nubile young italian wanna-be actress is manhandled onto the set..stripped naked ( ! ) and placed in a futuristic looking needley machine. Dr Kraspin ( pscyhotic nutball space scientist ) presses bootons..needles advance...nubile young franchessca (for want of a better name) whimpers..then screams...then shrieks. Then dies, her vital juicey juices drained by the insidious machine. Her 15mins of fame are up. Kraspin ( Through intercom, to a watching Agatha ): Satisfied, My Lady ?? Agatha: I never am, Kraspin, and you know it. How can I be when I know that the effect will only last one day? Kraspin: Didnt I promise you the formula once we left Noxon?? Patience, My Lady..meanwhile, His Lordship's bed will continue to be graced by your undiminishing beauty. But remember My Lady...science may have conquered age...but it will never succeed in conquering death... Cut to Noxon spaceport...hanger doors open. Onlookers gather, as Graal's Nurek cruiser hovers into view. It does not, in any way , look like a cheap plastic model kit. Rousing imperious elevator music plays. Kraspin and Agatha watch and exchange glances. Graal disembarks, flanked by black-clad scarey types. The stench of all-conquering evil is rank and rampant in the air. Kraspin ( not ironically ): So..your powerful friend has come ! just as he promised.. Agatha: His Lordship always keeps his promises..especially when its in his interest to do so..remember that, Kraspin... and remember that if it hadn't been for me, you'd still be in mental control sattellite...and under constant sedation. I used every resource at my disposal to set you up here Kraspin: And we both know why, don't we.. Agatha: The serums formula is not such a high price to pay, considering all I've done for you...and I want it before we leave Noxon. Kraspin: Don't you trust me, Lady Agatha? Don't I give you daily doses? You haven't aged one minute since you've been here, have you ! Agatha: I trust no one....and you know it Lady Agatha and Kraspin enter the hanger. They reverently bow to Darth Helmet ( sorry, duh Lord Graal ) Lady Aggie ( Hornily ): Welcome to Noxon, my Omnipotent Lord ( editorial note: omnipotence ?!? can't you get meds for that? he's no need to suffer... ) Graal ( Hornily too ) : You are more beautiful than I remember, Lady Agatha. One might say time has stopped for you...my compliments, Doctor Kraspin..you and My Lady have created an extraordinary base of operations. Aggers: For you, Sire, and your conquest of Metropolis. Graal: Which won't be an easy task..apart from manpower and equipment, Metropolis also possesses vast nuclear reserves. Kraspin: My plan is deceptively simple, Sire..I shall create for you an army of humanoids...indestructible human robots... ( editorial note: no, theres no such thing as a human robot..dont be pedantic, carry on reading )...all I need is the secret element, which i hope you've obtained for me.. Graal: I have...the attack on the institute went exactly according to plan Kraspin ( passionately ): And the girl....was she killed?????? Graal: Unfortunately Barbara Gibson was not at the institute when my men attacked..but tell me..why do you hate her so much? Kraspin: She destroyed years of my work..committed me to an asylum !! only her death can satisfy me.. Graal: I am certain we shall have another opportunity Cut to deep space.. Golob's ship drifts helplessly Interior Golob: Im gonna have a look in the rear...see if I can free up the pozzatrons ( or something.. ) Give me a buzz on channel two if the function light comes on Kip : electro woof Interior Kraspin laboratory. The nefarious one is tinkering with the Kappatron. He notices Golob's craft through a viewer..see's the beardy one on screen and laughs scarily Kraspin: (scarey laugh ) hehe thats just the human I need... He pushes bootons.. Golobs craft lurches. Our hero struggles manfully with the controls Golob: I can't figure whats wrong....I can't control her, Kip ! Craft spins helplessly. It is brought to the surface of the planet by Kraspins remote-control. Golob: Its like we're being sucked into a magnetic void !!! Golobs starship crashlands in the water. Cut, at this dramatic moment, to a futuristic spacey-looking bedroom. Darth Hornypants and Lusty Aggie..hold on , thats another movie...Lord Graal and Lady Agatha are sucking up to each other. lot of penetrating gazes and quickened pulses. Unfortunately, she hasn't changed into her James Bond bikini... :( Graal: Forget you?? on the contrary..four years of exile, My Lady, have merely sharpened my desire to see you again Agatha swoons. The impressionable males in the audience sit back and take notes from the Graalmeister.. clerely, where space-vixen wooing is concerned, he IS the lord... Agatha: It is very gratifying for me to know I have been in your thoughts all this time. As you can see, you have been in mine as well. And all this work is to help you regain the power that is rightfully yours. It is a great honour for me to be loved by the future ruler of Metropolis, and the entire galaxy... Graal: So thats what you're after....power !!! Agatha ( purring ): Yes...but only if I can share it with you... Kraspins face appears on vid-screen, ruining the mood Kraspin: Your Lordship, Lady Agatha, come quickly.. ( no pun intended... )...I'm about to create my first Humanoid!! Cut to planet surface. Golob's ship is afloat in a lake. Our hero and Robodog survey the scene. Golob: I may be wrong but I think we landed on one of the moons in the Chloe system...the atmospheres the same as on our planet. If thats the case, there should be a Metropolis settlement Kip: electro-bark Cut to Graal, Kraspin and Lady A watching, intently. No, I don't know where the camera is, either... Kraspin: When that ship entered the gravitational field of Noxon, my probes revealed that he is a giant of a man in optimum health. So I captured him by blocking his generators with magnetic discharges.. Graal: Are you quite sure he's suitable for the experiment? Kraspin: Suitable? 'cackle cackle cackle' heheheh....hes perfect !!! Agatha: How will you transmute him into a humanoid?? Kraspin (Gesturing): That micro-warhead holds barely one gramme of crystalised Kappatron..activated by a micro-nuclear charge, which will trigger the mutation. And we'll be able to evaluate the results right after the explosion. Graal ( sinisterly ): Remember Kraspin..more than your reputation is at stake...if you should fail.... Agatha: Kraspin is as dedicated to your success as I am, My Lord Cut to planet surface. Golob is tinkering with his Robodog. should I rephrase that?!? um.. never mind... Golob: That shook you up, huh? It could be worse..a little silicon tranquiliser will calm you down.. ( editorial note: God, I need a little silicon tranquiliser typing all this...where'dya get it from?!? ) Robo-dogs tail extends and starts wagging. scarey. Golob: I suppose I have to go back and salvage one of those thingyphones ( unintelligable, sorry )..so we can send up a distress signal. you know Kip..you robodogs have quite an advantage over us men....you dont have to fill in a report ! See you in a micro-minute He goes to the ship. Kip electro barks. a lot. Kraspins rocket is launched. Kip flees behind a boulder and electro-barks. a lot. the rocket hits the water and detonates. splash !! Golob emerges from the ship. and howls. loudly. interior, Kraspins laboratory. The mad scientists cackles. madly Krapsin: whahahahaha !!!! It worked !! It worked !!!! ( he wrings his hands with glee, and really is rather pleased with himself ) He has been transmuted..from a human..into a HUMANOID !!! Your Lordship..Lady Agatha.. I want you to witness in person a demonstration of what a humanoid can do ! Planet surface. Golob howls. a lot. he is also, bizarrely, beardless. side effect of Kappatron radiation. He makes lots of funky groany noises. Turn the sound down at this point guys, dont want the neighbours thinking you're playing cheeky monkeys...anyway...Golob advances on Robodog, and waves his rather large hands, menacingly. Kip backs off, forlornly , electo-whimpering. Nurek speeder zooms into view, crawling with black-clad troops. They advance on Golob , ray guns blazing. the shots ricochet from the giant ones hands, harmlessly. The troops advance into hand to hand combat. Golob creams them. Note to the viewer...dont mess with 7ft 2 of pure unadulterated lean mean obscene humanoid machine..you'll just get the crap beat outta ya. Nurek hoverpod flies into view, carrying Graal, Agatha and Kraspin. They watch the melee with interest Kraspin ( Gleefully ): He's rather irritated, isn't he !!! A second pod of troops arrive. Golob tosses them through the air, A-Team style. The battle is more entertaining than WWF and UFC put together. Kraspin: Mwahahahah!!!! Look, he fights before he thinks !! The Nurek hoverpod approaches golob. He waves at it scarily. Golob: "Growwwwl" Graal: How do we stop him now? Kraspin: With a very special narcotic gas (Editorial note: Geeeez, Kennedy was a great actor, convincingly delivering such doofus lines without splitting his sides. where was the oscar?!? ) I'll show you... The pod drops a cannister, containing the Very Special Narcotic Gas. Kip barks. Golob coughs a lot Kraspin: Mwahahahahhahaa !!! Golob: "Growwwwwwlzzzzz"....he falls unconcious as the pod lands Interior Kraspins laboratory. Golob is prone, and out like a light. Kraspin is prodding a small piece of green plastic into his forehead. Im amazed Kiel didnt open his eyes and slap him one. anyway.... Kraspin: You see, My Lord and Lady..this is the sensor that now controls the creatures brain. with this sensor, the humanoid will obey any impulse we'll feed him. Graal: Good...then we'll take him to Metropolis tonight ! Agatha: I'm certain security has been tightened since the attack on Groven Graal: So much the better....it will be a full test of his powers Kraspin: May I know his first command?? Graal: Very well..I shall order him to kill the Great-Brother. Agatha (purring): Yes...deprived of their great ruler, Metropolis will be at your mercy! Graal: When will the main Kappatron warhead be ready? Kraspin: In one week. In seven days, Metropolis will be populated by an army of humanoids at your command ! The Nurek starcruiser takes off from Noxon control. It hyperspaces towards Metropolis Interior spaceship. Graal opens the viewing panel to the cell where Golob is contained. Graal: Humanoid..you shall be the first of your kind to strike terror into the hearts of my enemies..you shall march into the capital, and you shall not stop until my brother lies crushed to a pulp at your feet. Golob looks scarey. he growls. for a change. his bound hands struggle. Graal activates the Very Special Narcotic Gas, and Golob sleeps once more. wow, that stuffs faster than Good-Nytol...is it available over the counter?? Nurek cruiser bridge. Graal enters, with Agatha. Note the 'with' Nurek pilot: Metropolis dead ahead, Sire Graal: Prepare to take The Humanoid down. You are to leave him just outside the city Nurek soldier: Very good, Your Lordship Nurek astro-fighter launches. Airfix stickers on its side not visible. It speeds ( slowly ) to the planet surface Nurek pilot: Cut off magnetic re-verb..it could start off the alarm. Extinguish reactors for a silent touch down....thats it, lets go. Planetfall...The fighter comes to a rest. Nurek troops carry the prone form of Golob out, and lay him on the ground. It is night. The troops re-enter the astro-fighter and blast off. Daybreak. Metro-City civillians come and go innocently Female voice over tannoy (subliminally): Rendering a useful service should be the common duty of mankind....every right implies a responsibility..every opportunity, an obligation.. ( editorial note: wow !!! thats deeeeep !!! did i just hallucinate that?!? ) Golob is awake. and tall. very. he marches purposely towards the city boundaries. He is stopped by a metro city flunky Metro-City Flunky: No one can enter the city without permission..do you have a pass? Golob tosses him through the air Metro-City Flunky: Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrggghhhhhhhhh Splat Other Metro-City Flunky: Sound the alarm !!! Quick !!! Alarm: Beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep.... Yet another Metro-City Flunky: Stop where you arrrrrrghhhhhhhh ( as he is tossed. thrown, I mean ... ) Male voice over tannoy: Sector four security breach...intruder alert..intruder must stop all security forces intruder alert Metro soldier type: Stop in the name of the law Golob: Growwwwwl.. He beats the livvin **** outta more flunkies. do these guys never learn ?!?geeeez, italian extras...... Ray beams bounce off our hero/villain. tannoy moans on and on about security. Golob marches on Nick ( heroically , and helpfully ) : Keep clear of him !! in the name of the New Law, shoot him dead !! They shoot him. He doesnt die. Nick craps himself and , unheroically, legs it Nick: Protect the palace at any cost !!! Interior palace. Nick approaches the Great Brother. He looks a little perturbed. You would too, with hair like that.. Great-Brother: What is it, Nick? Nick ( Swaggering ): Great-Brother, you must leave the building at once...there is some sort of mutant outside, and he is headed this way.we can't seem to stop him. None of our weapons have any effect on him. Sir, you give me a very special task, now Im trying to carry it out. Groven has been re-fortified, you can assume control there. It s the only place where I can guarantee your safety, and that of the Five Elders Great-Brother ( Hestitantly ): Allright Nick..I ll go NIck: This way sir Metro fighter speeds off, carrying them. Golob enters the room. looks around,. confused Kraspin ( watching remotely.. ) : Hes at the Groven Institute...Go to the Groven Institute. Golob departs. civillians flee in his wake, yelling "run for your lives" etc etc. Troops zap Golob. He refuses to be zapped. The Tall One steals a landspeeder and zooms off. Cut to the Groven Institute. Meeting of the Good Guys in progress. Elder (incredulous): You say this thing emerged unharmed after laser, neuro-toxic and micro-nuclear strikes against it ?!? Nick: Yes Sir..He seems indestructible. The nuclear shells only seem to make him stronger. Barbara: Then I know this has to be Kappatron we're dealing with. What else can you tell me? ( Italian extra's check out the saucey futuristic fashions our heroine is sporting ) Nick: Just that, during the struggle, one of my men found this... Barbara takes the offered item , and wiggles over to a futuristic looking square thing. she presses buttons ( sure pushes mine... )... futuristic looking square thing speaks in VERY robotic mechanical tones: Item 1X-5A..confirmed ID badge of Metropolis Colony Inspector Golob..departed two years ago, bound for Chloe...first to volunteer..contact lost en route...presumed missing, or terminated. Nick: Wait a minute..I've heard of him....he's a big kind gentle person. Barbara: Not any more, Im afraid..that part of him no longer exists Great-Brother: I want to know who is behind this...we have no enemies outside of our galaxy Nick: I'm afraid the enemy is coming from closer quarters Great-Brother ( stoopidly ): But even inside the galaxy.. Nick: It can only be Graal Great-Brother ( realisation dawning, finally, duhh ): My brother.. Golobs speeder zooms towards Groven. He's a wicked driver, and would put even the Dukes of Hazzard to shame Nick ( to metro city flunkies ): We're on red alert...everyone to his station Troops prepare. they wave plastic ray guns about. atmospheric music adds to the sense of impending dread.. Golobs speeder arrives. it is destroyed by laser fire. Golob rises, unharmed. and growls. and tosses. Beep beep go the ray guns Nick ( desperately ) : Maybe theres still a chance, Sir...but we have to hurry Great-Brother ( not so greatly ..who named this guy, anyway ? ) : That's what you think. No-one can stop that human monster.. Nick (resolutely): But we have to try. This way. They enter the SPECIAL chamber. Note: This is the dumbest part of the movie...feel free to fast forward 2 mins. Do it, man , for the sake of your sanity !! Nick: Thats it Sir..its our only hope. That ball is made of Krypton metal. But this special press we've placed it in is even stronger. Now watch..it has the force of 800,000 khrys...no structure can resist that. Its the reason I've brought you to Groven. Big shiny metal ball is squished flat as a pancake. or as flat as paris hilton. Great-Brother (and audience) appear unimpressed. Nick seems really rather chuffed with himself though... Cut to Kraspin Laboratory. Agatha appears on vid-screen. She looks foxxy, in a nice new space hat Agatha ( in hat ): Kraspin..Graal would like news of The Humanoid Kraspin: I have synthesised him on the Great-Brothers magnetic field. Tell him not to worry...The Humanoid will find his brother and kill him ! Agatha ( still in hat, still foxxy ) : Where is he now? Kraspin ( not so foxxy, hatless ): Groven Cut to Groven. Golob punches a plastacine wall down. He is face to face with the Great-Brother. He advances. scarily. GB backs off. Nick flicks a switch and the press falls on Golob. Golob, well-hard, catches it and pushes it back up, unharmed. Nick is rather pigged off :( GB is crapping himself with fright cut to Kraspin, realising something... : Groven...Barbara Gibson must be there now !! heheehe... cut to Groven: Nick leaps between Golob and the Not-so-Great-Brother, yelling "Get Back!" like he's paul mcartney. Golob aint no Jo-Jo though. He tosses Nick (aside) with one hand Kraspin: First kill Barbara Gibson repeated over and over...Golob puts the Great-Brother down and leaves to follow his new order. GB: Are you hurt? Nick ( obviously hurt ) : no..I don't know who we have to thank...but im sure in Hellios grateful ! Cut to deep space. Nurek cruiser flies star wars style over the camera, taking a good 2mins to do so. Feel free to make coffee at that point... Interior ship Nurek pilot: Lord Commander.. Lord Commander ( ? ) : What is it ? Pilot: We're about to enter their security sector Graal: Well, what of it ? ( God, hes cool..... ) Pilot: Your brother has called a full alert. we'll be vulnerable to attack (editorial note: what is a lert? and a tack ?!? ) Graal: I would like to stay....but its not worth the risk.. Order the nurek commandos on Metropolis to keep an eye on the Humanoid, and launch a scoutship for reinforcements. We'll keep out of their security sector Pilot: Yes Your Lordship. Cut to Metropolis...Barbara Gibsons Home. Shes looking hot. Tom-Tom's looking irritating. Tom-Tom ( irritatingly ) : What's wrong, Barbara? Barbara ( with the patience of a saint ): Our lives are in danger...and I can't find the counter-humanoid notes I took ( editorial note: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) They're our only hope... Golob enters the scene. scarily. music plays. scarily. Barbara is shocked. Tom-Tom is irritating. Kraspin (watching) : GET HER !!!! Golob: Grrowwwwwwwl (I'd growl at her too ! ) Barbara : Aaaaaarrrgggghhhhhhh ( she'd aaarrrrrggggggghhhh at me, too ! ) Get away Tom-Tom ! Golob persues our fair maiden, trashing the house. Barbara: Tom-Tom, run away quick !!! he doesnt. she falls into the indoor pool she conveniently has in the house. The convenient camera lavishes over her very wet posterior. The audience drools, and feels more forgiving towards having paid the rental fee for the movie. Editorial note: I LOVE YOU , CORINNE xxx Barbara ( wetly ) :Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh Golob seizes Barbara. Tom-Tom waves mysteriously . he says dooooomallahhhhhh ( or something ), stoomallahhhhh ( or something ). Golob looks transfixed. he is lulled and calmed and really rather chilled. He puts Barbara down, who promptly legs it, forgetting all about the safety of the (irritating)kid. Golob is all smiley. He hugs Tom-Tom Tom-Tom: May your essence return to your body. Let me reach into your heart, and into your soul Golob kneels Tom-Tom: Om mani padme hmm ( revered Buddhist mantra ) he waves his hands. Golob sees clearly once more, the veil of insidious evilry lifted from him Exterior. Barbara is shimmying about outside, looking scared witless, in a hubba hubba isnt that momma fine!! kinda way Barbara: Tom-Tom.. somebody help me save Tom-Tom ( as if ! ) Barbara (running cutely ) : Tom-Tom !! she runs cutely into the path of Nurek troops Nurek troop (see, toldya! ) : He was heading this way before we lost the signal.. 2nd troop: I'll go look over here... Barbara retreats. she is spotted Trooper: Hey look..I've found the girl !! He is shot to the floor, a laser arrow in his back. Tom-Tom speaks unintelligably. His laser arrow shooting guardians arrive, shooting the other troops dead. Barbara is saved Tom-Tom: I knew you were in danger. Come, Barbara (editorial note: ohhh never mind... ) Barbara: Thank God you always turn up in time.. Tom-Tom: I'm your best pupil !! Barbara: And who were those two strangers who saved my life? Tom-Tom: They are keepers of an ancient rite Barbara: And how did you.... I mean with The Humanoid... Tom-Tom ( holding out Kraspins control device ): You have nothing to fear from him any more. He is no longer controlled by anyone Barbara: Tom-Tom...who are you?? Tom-Tom ( get ready for it ) : Lowcowweeelowaadharma ( probably spelled wrong.. he pronounces it very reverently ) have faith in me..I am here to help you Interior, Barbaras home. Barbara and Tommy enter, Barbara foxxily, Tommo less so. Golob rises, uncertainly Barbara: Come on Golob..I am your friend. my name is Barbara..Barbara, say it... Golob: Baaaaa. ..aaaa...rrrrbaaraaaa.......... Barbara: You're learning fast..if only he were able to understand..maybe he could help us, and tell us where Dr Kraspin and Lord Graal are.. Tom-Tom: We could try something..with the help of our new friend. Concentrate as hard as you can on Graal and Dr Kraspin... ( he speaks tibetan ) Barbara closes her eyes and concentrates. An image of the two evil ones appear. Golob growls Barbara: Please, try to speak..you have to tell us where they are..where are Dr Kraspin and Graal?? Golob ( Stuttering like a rap-artist from da hood ): Noo...noo....noooooooxon Barbara: Oh Golob you did it !! Go on, try it again please !! Golob: Noxon !! Tom-Tom: Noxon is a moon in the Chloe system. Barbara: Yes ! I have to get this to Nick and the Great-Brother. ohhh thank you Golob ! She kisses him. his heart melts. This viewer gets jealous and throws beer can at the screen. She wiggles offscreen, saying "look out for each other..." Tom-Tom: Come...now you will sleep..and while you sleep you will remember more of who you are..you will see yourself as human once again...I will help you become your real self...trust me friend....trust your own humanity... Rockets whine LOUDLY outside...Tom-Tom and Golob run out, concerned. A Nurek craft breaks orbit, with its captive.... Tom-Tom: They've taken Barbara !! ( Lucky they've... ) If Dr Kraspin gets his hands on her, even I can't help.....you're crying .....that is the most vital sign of all ...your humanity is returning ! Nurek craft docks with the main cruiser. Barbara is led aboard by her guards. They all probably think she looks pretty hot, even under these trying circumstances... Nurek doofus: Dr Kraspin's former assistant, My Lord. Graal: What about The Humanoid? Did he kill the Great-Brother?? Barbara ( defiantly ) : No , the Great-Brother is still alive....he will crush you like a worm Graal: Take her away !! tell me what happened Nurek doofus: The Humanoid failed to follow your orders, Sire. We lost contact Graal: Back to Noxxon..I'll hear what Kraspin says about this ! The Nurek ship departs Metropolis Command. The Good Guys confer Great-Brother: To attack Noxon head on is too much of a risk to its population Nick: I understand that..but Barbara Gibson's life is in danger. Great-Brother: The same applies to all of us. Nick: Sir..let me go. A single commando raid is our only chance of rescuing Barbara, and recovering the Kappatron. Great-Brother paces around. He debates. He is an inspiration to us all G-B: If you think theres a ray of hope, go....but not on your own. Tom-Tom looks wise. Golob perks up. He strides forward. A metro-numpty gets un-nerved by the big guy... "heyyy.." he says, warily. Great-Bro: Let him approach ! Golob ( not sounding like a cheerleader.. ) : Golob Go !! Barbara....my friend !! G-B: Now I know theres hope !!! Cut to outer space Starcruiser zooms by, Golob and Nick at the controls. Nick: Hey..I think we got company... They turn around. Tom-Tom has stowed away on board. The rascal ! Nick (awe-struck..or is it irritated ? ): What in Hallios...are YOU doing here?!? Tom-Tom: I was going your way, so I thought I would come along with you. Nick ( not sounding like Han Solo one bit... ) : Kid, you gotta be out of your gravity zone.. What do you do for an encore anyway...I suppose you can fly one of these ships.. Tom-Tom: Of course....its much easier than levitating. Nick ( echoing the symptoms of the audience... ) : All I can say is, you're one of the weirdest little kids I've ever met..now I want you to tell me how you managed to sneak into the space terminal TommyTom: I just had a little talk with the guards.....eye to eye..... ( jedi mind trick strongly implied. oops wrong film.. or is it... ) Nick ( Hypnotised ..he whistles ): pheww.. well I'll be disintegrated !! Kid, one of these days you'll have to teach me a few of your tricks ! We need some kind of help, thats for sure... The craft sails on through the stars. Cut to Noxon. Graal, Lady Agatha and her Nureks escort Barbara through the hanger. Both women, incidentally, look rather fine indeed. just thought Id point this out... Nurek: Welcome back to Noxon sire. Kraspin ( malevolently ) : Ahhh Miss Gibson..are you prepared to pay for the wrongs you've done me ? Barbara ( defiantly ) :You're going to pay as well, Dr Kraspin...for your warped, and evil doings. I'm sure that nothing, not even my death, is going to prevent that. Kraspin is enraged. He slaps her and she staggers, emitting a rather endearing feminine "oooh" sound. Agatha: Thats enough, Kraspin !! This prize is as much mine as it is yours..and I won't have it damaged. Take her away.. Nureks manhandle the heavenly Ms Gibson away to a holding cell. Graal turns and confronts Kraspin.. Graal: The problem at hand, Kraspin, is not the girl..your obsessive vindictiveness has already cost me several valuable men..what I want to know, is why The Humanoid's mission was only partially successful.. Kraspin ( clutching at straws ): well...the sensor must have been damaged during the fight...I lost contact.. but its much less likely to happen with an army of humanoids. Graal ( wayyy over-acting ) : IIIII hope so ..for your sake Kraspin ! Cut to Golobs ship. Lights flash and beeps beep. Nick: We're entering into Noxons magnetic field..its time to be switching on retro-rockets ! ( editorial note: God, I love that line ! ) Nurek starfighters thunder into view. They look mean Nick: Here we go......they're on to us !!! Hold tight... Laser fire rocks the ship. It looks really rather cool, though the beep beep noises let it down.. Nick: I guess I gotta fight them back...Tom-Tom, you said you can fly this bug...well let's see you ! He departs to man the laser cannon. Tommo takes the flight controls. wonder if he has a license... zaps and beeps and blasts.. ka-powww !! Nick : Whoaaaaaa !! Symphonic dramatic music. Rocketcraft circle each other (wires not visible!)...energy beams fill the Heavens. It is quite a spectacle. Nick, Our Hero, is very Heroic. Good rootin tootin shootin cowboy...he blasts Nurek ships out of the sky. The whole scene is NOTHING like the Millennium Falcon/tie fighter showdown in Star Wars at all...get that thought outta your head ! Large scarey Nurek attack craft flies in. Pilot: Let's go in with hyper-galactic stellar ray !! Those six idiots couldn't blow up an old trash can !!! (Editorial note: POSSIBLY the lamest line in the entire script, tho it DOES have a fair bit of competition... ) Hypergalacticstellarray is fired at the ship , which is rocked badly. Nick destroys the nurek, but is knocked out cold. So too is Tom-Tom ( if anyone cares.. ). Oh Noooo what will our heroes do ?!? Golob takes the controls. He moves levers up and down and back up again. And "sway swoon cheer!" our hero lands the ship !! Audience breathes a sigh of relief as Golob and Tom-Tom embrace. Planetfall, they leave the ship with Nick. Hes stunned, when he comes around.. Nick ( Stunned ): What in Hallios happened ?? ( Editorial note : What in Hallios is Hallios, anyways ?!? ) Tom-Tom: Golob saved our lives..he managed to land the ship. Nick: All I can say is, Im glad you decided to come along. Where are we, anyway? Tom-Tom ( looking around at a lot of sand and boulders ): Its Noxon allright..and from the looks of it, I'd say we're stranded. Off screen there is the really irritating "arf arf" of Robodog barking. Audience groans as Kip zooms into the scene. Golob prepares to charge, startled Nick: Its a Robodog !! A Kannopak X3 ! Government issue..a nice specimen, too..I wonder what he's doing here.. Tom-Tom: He wants his master to follow him.. Nick: Where's his master? Tom-Tom ( with infinite insight and wisdom ): Right here...try and remember Golob ! Golob ( remembering ): Kip !! Kip !!! Kip: bark bark bark its a happy reunion. tears well in the audiences eyes. small children applaud. girlfriends squeeze boyfriends hands, warmed by the spectacle unfolding before them. outside, the bluebells bloom. Nick: I think he wants to show us something.. Tom-Tom: Lets find out what !! come on !!!! They follow the mechanical mutt. Kip leads them to a Nurek settlement. we hear troops gossiping. Troop ( Gossiping ):..I wonder what that rockets in the hanger.. theres something BIG going on down there..that Graal is as crazy as that scientist.. Lady Agatha didn't pick the right man...now, if she'd have given ME a chance...HEY !! Whats that?!? Kips electro barking Troop one: Its an animal !! Troop two ( the smart one ): No its not , you idiot...it's a robot! Maybe its Graals.. kip leads the troops on a merry dance while our heroes slip unnoticed into the Nurek command post. Tom-Tom: Kip !! quickly !! Kip enters just as the door closed behind him. Nureks are too late to follow. Nurek ( too late ): whats going on ?!??? ( audience...good question ! ) Interior Nurek command...Graal , Agatha and Kraspin observe as Kappatron is loaded into the warhead of a fearsome looking rocket. Kraspy: When this missile hits Metropolis, the warhead will explode, radiating Kappatron throughout the planetary atmosphere. and then...then My Lord, you will have an ARMY of Humanoids ! Graalybabes: Once I regain Metropolis, we can move on to conquer the rest of the galaxy ! ( Graal has a one track mind, you'll notice ) Kraspin: Hehehehehehehehehehe.... Our heroes sneak in, watching proceedings... Tom-Tom : preparations for launching ! Nick: I'll bet two nockets of a ridium they ll be blasting off within an hour ! Tom-Tom: But first we must find Barbara ! Golob looks down at Kip: Baaaa Baaaa Raaaaa Kip beeps Back to the bad guys...lets face it, they re the interesting ones.. Agatha ( looking fine ) :As you can see, Kraspin and I have kept our promise Graal: And I shall keep mine, My Lady...help me carry out my plan and you shall be my Queen, as I promised Kraspin: There are several details I must clear up...meet me in my laboratory in one hour. Cut to the intrepid good guys. they follow Kip down a corridor. Kip is confronted by a scarey looking Nurek Bad-ass Scarey Looking Nurek Bad-ass ( with appaling grammer.. ) : Hey !! where you coming from ?!? Tom-Tom says weirdy nonsense words. An image of himself appears behind the bad-ass, who is startled. Golob his the Bad-Ass from behind, while he's startled. Bad-Ass: ouch thud Hes out cold. Graal strides masterfully past, narrowly missing the Robodog. Golob and Nick beat the crap outta baddies. Golob employs his patented tossing technique. Nick uses the worst kung fu you'll EVER see. I know, I practise kung fu badly too...but yegads, even I'M better than old Nicky ! anyway, I digress...Nick is surrounded at gunpoint by mega-cool lookin bad dudes. Mega cool lookin bad dude: Stop! Now you will come with us..Graal will be glad to see you ! Golob approaches from behind. tosses the mega-cool lookin bad guys through the ceiling. they dont look so mega cool anymore. Nick raises his eyebrows in thanks. Jaunty music plays Golob: Hehe Nick: Come on ! Cut to Agatha's needley juice extracting machine. Barbara ( scared, in a gorgeous way ) is led into the machine. She is, woefully, fully clothed. Kraspin is going to use the machine to drain her life essence. Kraspin ( malevolently ) : An ideal specimen , wouldn't you say? ( the male section of the audience nod wholeheartedly )... I know you're watching My Lady...shes going to be the most potent dose of serum I've ever given you !! Cut to troops discovering our heroes Discovering Troop: Stop where you are !! More kung fu and tossing. troops die, grunting. Nick takes a dead grunted troops laser rifle. Kip is locked out , seperated from the rest. Back to Kraspin. He pushes buttons. the scarey needley machine starts. Barbara gasps. Agatha looks on , looking damn fine in her hat. Golob beats the door down, shouting BAAA AAAR BAAARAAAAAA (as is his way) He flings himself between our fair maiden and the scarey needle machine. Nick: Dont worry Barbara, we'll get you out ! Kraspin: The Humanoids fighting for them !!! its not possible !!!!!!! Graal: keeeeeeeel him !! Tom-Tom ( stoopidly ) : Be careful !! Nick blasts troops, then gives the gun to the kid Nick: Cover us, kid Graal: You are going to pay for this Kraspin, you are a fool ! Kraspy: Wait !! I can still neutralise them ! He pushes a button. the Special Narcotic Gas drifts down from the ceiling Tom-Tom ( Observantly ! ): Narcotic Gas !!! ( Audience groans. ) Golob breaks the needley machine. the rest of the heroes start to cough ack and splutter. Kraspo : Quick...the whole rooms gonna fill up with gas ! The bad guys make a run for it. As they walk, Agatha stumles in agony. she looks fine, while agonisingly stumbling.. Agatha: Aarghh .. the pains ! Kraspin , I need the serum Kraspin: Hold on for a few minutes..we'll be on Graal's ship soon. The room is still filling with gas. Narcotic style. Our heroes look doomed. Then Kip the Robodog activates the OFF switch on the gas control panel ( ! ) using his long radio anntennae type tail. See, viewers?A Robodogs for life, not just for Christmas... Golob frees Barbara Nick: Come on Barbara ! ( audience......ohhhh never mind.... ) Back to the main hanger. troops are everywhere. music swells dramatically. Kraspin closes the BIG door. Kraspin: That seals us off....no one can get in or out of here now ! Graal: Is the rocket ready? Kraspy: Yes ! Agatha ( Breathlessly ) : Can we board the ship now, My Lord? Graal ( ignoring her ) : Prepare for the final countdown. Buttons are pressed. the rocket ignites. Cut to our heroes. massive laser action. Bad guys are blown to pieces. zappppppppp They fight their way into the elevator Back to the Nurek. Agatha is feeling the worse for wear.. Agatha: Kraspin..Kraspin !! My muscles are stiffening..Im cold ...why won't you give me the serum?? (Editorial note....theres soooo much opportunity for innuendo there. Be grateful Im keeping this G rated.. ) Kraspin: My Lady I told you....its on the spaceship! Back to our heroes. the elevator has stopped. Nick: Its blocked!! Barbara: We're trapped ! Golob knocks the door clean off its hinges. they re not trapped anymore ! they enter right into the heart of Nurek Command. music plays heroically. laser fire fills the air Nurek: Head them off ! all of you !! Nick blasts baddies left right and centre. the sound fx dept make a lot of beeping Troops charge. Kip does a bright yellow Robodog wee. Troops slip, fall and die. Kip electrogiggles Nick ( to Barbara ) : Stay here and keep out of sight. Barbara is pinned down by fire from the BIG nurek gun. Golob advances. The fire rebounds from him. He topples the guntower..Golob now has the BIG Gun .. ( less said about the size of Golobs weapon the better.. )...he blasts baddies, then aims the weapon at the Kappatron rocket, as Kraspin is about to launch it.. The rocket is damaged. kraspin screams as it spews exhaust flames over him. He is dramatically burned to a crisp. Golob smiles, satisfied. Kip takes the big gun, and zaps baddies. He robodog giggles. the audience arch their brows. Graal: Keeeeeeel them !!!!! He is directing his troops. Behind him, his one true love, Aggie , collapses. She can go on no longer, without her youth serum. She falls. Her face withers with age, she crumples and turns to dust. The Italian special FX people can be proud of this. its a gruesome death. The guys in the audience curse the scriptwriter. Barbara ( watching, while still looking youthful and gorgeous ): How horrible ! Tom-Tom: Kraspin was keepin her eternally young with that dreadful machine of his ! Your life fluids would have only brought her one more day of beauty.. Troops surrouned Barbara. She is scared. Golob throws a big plastic thing at them. The troops are all beheaded. Graal is cowardly leaving ( making a strategic withdrawal, I mean ) : He boards his ship Graal: Start the reactors ! We're leaving ! Nick stows on board. He is weaponless A troop beats the crap outta Robodog. The audience approve. Tom-Tom mesmerises the troop with his magic. The cool lookin laser archers appear once more and zap to death more troops, then bow to Tom-Tom. Nick enters the ships bridge. He breaks the neck of the pilot. Nick is , at this moment, well-cool ! Graal: NO ONE CAN STOP ME NOW, PRINCELY HERO !! (Note : This IS the worst line in this, or possibly ANY , movie ! ) Graal: Come on , fight..what can you do against me?? Nick ( Afraid ) : I m not afraid of you Graal They clash, bad kung-fu style. Graal is winning. Graal : You are as stupid and helpless as my brother ! He ignites his special secret laser hands , and zaps at Nick. Nick hits Graal with a post. Graal melts it. Graal, right now, looks wayyyyy scarey! Graal: I can sport with you no longer ! He sports with him a while longer. go figure. laser hand effects are pretty cool. Nick is cornered. and scared. Then HURRAYYYY Golob enters the fray. Grabs Graal from behind and forces the laser hands to his own head. He lifts Graal from the floor....then drops Graals empty Darth armour to the ground. The body, Obi-Wan style, is nowhere to be seen. Nick: He vanished ! Tom-Toms spectral image appears from nowhere: He incarnated evil. and evil will never disappear from the universe..we must continue to fight it. Back to the main hanger. Barbara is blasting troops. Nick runs by and grabs her Nick: Barbara get out of here! its gonna blow up ! They run. laser beams fill the air. The rocket is still smoking. Golob advances on the rocket and seizes the Kappatron. He looks resigned to his fate. Exterior. Nick, Barbara and Tom-Tom have made it to the outside Barbara: Wheres Golob!? We have to wait for him ! The rocket falls , ignites , and blasts into the command centre setting off a chain reaction Nick: We cant wait for him any longer ! Tom-Tom: Come on Kip, hurry !! Golob is running through the blazing building. explosions all around. Troops die as the Nurek stronghold detonates. Our watching heroes see Golob emerge , running. Barbara: Whats he going to do ?? Nick: I don't know..but hes got the Kappatron !! Golob leaps from a precipice into the ocean. There is an explosion as the Kappatron detonates Barbara is distraught: Golob, our brave friend....he killed himself...he killed himself to save us, and Metropolis from destruction Nick comforts Barbara. Lucky swine Kip barks excitedly Barbara : Heyyyyyy look !!! Nick: It s Golob !!!! hes still alive !!!!! Tom-Tom: The lion has turned back into the lamb !!! hes himself again ! :) Golob ( not growling ): Where in the Hellios am I ?? His beard has returned Barbara leaps into the water ( still fully clothed, grr ) to embrace him Barbara: Golob, how wonderful !! You re still alive !! You look good in a beard! Golob ( perplexed ): But..I ve always had a beard ! Barbara ( jubilant, and gorgeous ) : No, you have not !Dont you recognise me ?? Golob: B..Barbara !! Barbara : Yesssss Golob: And Nick...and Tom-Tom....and Kip !!!! Kip !!!!!! Haaa ! whats going on here boy? ? This is my Robodog !! Barbara: I know...we've been friends for quite a long time Golob: Forgive me Barbara..I must have banged my head on something ! Tom-Tom looks to the distance. The others join him. A spiritual sailing craft is approaching, manned by the cool laser archers Nick: Those two here again?? it cant be ! Tom-Tom: I've summoned them..I must leave Barbara: Tom-Tom..whoever you are...please stay with us. Tom-Tom ( or whoever he is ) : My work is finished here Barbara..I must return to my home..they are waiting for me. Today is the day of light, and I shall remain in each of you like a faint yet eternal glow. We are going back to the sacred land of Tibet, to a time many ages in the past. Listen to your heartbeat and you will hear my name. And you, my friends, will always be part of me ! Om Mani Padme Hm !! Robodog barks. he makes more sense. Tom-Tom floats into the distant sunset on the spectral ship. The remaining trio watch and embrace..The crowd weep and cheer. one or two of them probably boo, and at least one snores. Who cares? they got no class... Voice over: Once again, Planet Earth had narrowly escaped disaster. Once again it had found in itself the intelligence, the insight, and the strength to repel a mortal enemy. Once again, Man was to live at peace in the galaxy... Credits roll.. THE END !!! Was that the best movie EVER, or wot ?!?!?? Star Wars eat yer heart out ! phew my fingers are aching.....can I go home now? :)